I have been to weddings that were highly solemn affairs. Every minute of the day was precisely planned, the bride and groom were wound tighter than Hillary Clinton, and the guests came only for the free drinks. This was not one of those weddings.
At about 3pm on the wedding day, the bride was wearing jeans, watching TV, and eating a burger. She let me have the fries. I’ll take you through it chronologically.Henna and Her Sisters
The day before was fun. We ate food that, if you think about it, was take-out. Sure, it’s called “catered” when it’s bought in those quantities, but we all gorged ourselves on vats of starchy goodness like overstressed grad students in the midst of exam study (what’s your excuse?). Then we got tattoos.June 10, 2006
Almost everyone else
So the wedding day came and it was a pretty normal day till maybe 3pm. I think I slept in and watched the World Cup. Then I put on a suit and so did everyone else. At about 3pm a limo pulled up, and I had never been in a limo so I ducked my head in. it’s like a big car. It is a big car. Were you expecting a celebrity to jump out at you?
I didn’t ride in the limo. I drove to the hotel myself.Wedding
It went well and everyone looked great. A guy from the Washington Ethical Society presided. He was good – 10 minutes on and off.ReceptionLook up trouble in the dictionary...
This one girl sang. She was really good. The MC was absolutely amazing. Though he made bad jokes in three languages
. The mother of the bride was flawless, and the father of the bride, well, he could not be described the exact same way, though he was really good.Eat Drink Dance
We ate, drank, and were merry.Day AfterThere are seven people in whole or part in this pic. Another 40 were cropped.
My uncle bought some incredibly ugly shirts. He had to: he was creating a diversion for my dad’s surprise 60th birthday party.Back to Our Regularly Scheduled Blog Entry
You know who drive me nuts? Beggars. And I don’t mean the folks living on the street asking for a dime, I mean the organized types of college kids asking for a donation. They all wear matching t-shirts, carry a clipboard, and have some spiel about saving whales or feeding hungry African kids. Last summer, Center City Philly was inundated with orange shirts and yellow shirts. This year, it’s two different shades of blue. I humored one last summer. An orange.
Orange was an undergrad at Penn (Penn, for those of you who don’t know, is an Ivy League school that costs more than $40,000/year to attend). She quickly assured me that she was on scholarship and wasn’t being paid much for her work that summer. Her deal, I think, was the African children. It sounded like a good enough cause, and I was employed at the moment, so I thought, what the heck. I pulled out my wallet to check what cash I had, and orange says that she only takes credit card numbers. Jigga WHAT?
For my own protection, she says. That way, the little Ivy League do-gooder couldn’t run off with my money. Just my credit card number
. I politely declined on the grounds that I felt much safer giving her a Jackson than a Visa. Every time I passed her on the street that summer I told her that there was $20 with her name on it. She never took it. I used it on one good meal. I’m sure it could have fed twenty.
Yellow had the same deal last summer. One accosted me and almost followed me onto the train. This summer, there are two shades of blue. You would not believe who was wearing light blue. First the dark.
I think the dark blues this year are save the environment types. I haven’t stopped to get their spiel, but I’ve wanted to. You see, I’ve had a whole year to let my subconscious think about what I would say if the beggars came back, and lo and behold they have! Thing is, what I’ve come up with isn’t very good. There was a Budweiser commercial a few back where all the Jersey locals would shoot a “how you doin” to each other, and one day a Texan walks into the bar and actually answers that question with a really long and rambling answer. The jersey guys lament their asking. One time blue asked me, “hey how ya doin, buddy?” Rhetorical to be sure, but a large part of me wanted to pull out a fake southern accent and shoot back, “a’m doin reel gude, thanx fer askin! Ya know, mah momma was aferd when ah moved on up to thuh big city, but everone’s been reel friendly. Ya know, just thuh uther day ah wuz…” and keep going till he got bored and buzzed off.
As for the light blues, one afternoon I was sitting in Rittenhouse Square eating lunch, and I saw one of them soliciting. Something caught my eye. The logo on her shirt looked familiar. I had definitely seen it before. But where from? Maybe an old employer of mine? Could it be?
The DNC. The D-N-freakin-C. Sending 10-year-olds (ok, 18-year-olds, but same principle) onto the streets of Philly to beg people for a small donation. How bush league are they? Look, there are certain things you can do on the cheap. You can get your caffeine fix by drinking instant coffee. You can find decent work clothes at Ross. You can get a law degree at a state school. Winning elections is not one of those things. Elections are very, very expensive propositions. Light blue asked me for money. I don’t think I’ve even given quite so direct a response in my life.
Folks, if you care about good government, choose a palpable Republican and root for him to beat the nutso Republicans, because the Dems don’t plan on winning anything anytime soon.Gotta Hava What?
While I’m on the topic of beggars, I must ask you, dear reader, to help me solve a conundrum: why on Earth would an otherwise upstanding and profitable business station an employee outside of their doors at all hours of the day and night to beg patrons for their change? Allow me to explain.
Where I grew up, we have 7-11s. No Wawas. Wawa is a convenience store chain in the greater Philadelphia area. Philadelphians think it superior to 7-11 because they serve made-to-order sandwiches. Otherwise it is the same as 7-11…with one difference: every time I go into a Wawa, any Wawa, I am accosted on the way in and the way out with some variation of, “spare some change, big guy?” Every time, in and out, day and night. The universality of the practice can only lead me to assume that they are employees of Wawa. Why would Wawa do that? And why only Wawa? This town has 7-11s and plenty of other stores, none of which employ such a person. What a strange employment practice.Intersection of Law and Idiocy
As you may know, I like MySpace. But they’re getting sued
. What I like about this article are the comments that follow it. To wit:These lawsuits are getting out of hand, just suing McDonalds for the coffee being too hot when the person was stupid enough to set the coffe on the dash or in her lap to begin with, it’s lawsuits like that which cause more lawsuits which cause prices to get higher, which cause Doctors to leave their field, which causes the workld to go downhill
which causes money to go down which causes bunnies to die which causes me to cryI wonder how many of the comments posted are from MySpace.com stockholders, employees, etc. To me it seems like MySpace does bare some responsibility for allowing predatory adults access to the personal information of minors. There SHOULD be some verification. Minors lie, but that does not mean MySpace should get off the hook.
I wonder how many of the comments posted are from lawyers suing MySpace for $30 million.The person that should be on trial here is the mother, for not teaching her daughter the facts of life
everybody sing: you take the good, you take the bad, you sue MySpace, and then you have…Teens can get credit card numbers easily. Hell, they’re getting credit cards as their birthday or religious-based gifts as young as 11 years old.
Doesn’t he mean 13 years old? Or did 5,000-year-old Talmudic law change when I wasn't looking? Also, I like how he says Hell when he's talking about religion.Myspace has to pay 30 million because he wasn’t on the football team?
Um…yes.I think the US government should be suing this household for making American parenting look so irresponsible and stupid. This is embarrassing
I can think of someone else they should sue for being embarrasing and stupidPut me on the jury in this trial and I’ll award the mother and child much more than $30 Million. They’re absolutely correct about the problem. Myspace could solve this easily with available digital signature technology.
Negligence actually has four elements. Duty’s a bitch.honestly myspace i think has good sercity on there site it is what the kids do that is not the smart thing like them giving out there info
Dubya, get back to work.My parents let me have 1 hr of non-education TV or Computer playing per day when I was growing up, they did not let me waste my life away on a computer talking to strangers!
Mine did. And you get this blog for it.after it becomes apparent that crimes are being committed that would not have been committed without the aid of MySpace: 1.) what measures are taken to protect the vulnerable subscriber, 2.) what profit would be lost to MySpace if stringent security measures were instituted?
Negligence actually has four elements. Causation’s a bitch.They teach them all of the tricks of the trade. Myspace and other sites should only allow adults. Do you think its important for 14 years to state their sexual orientation. This site breeds sex. Young girls have to post scantily clad photos to get noticed, predators reach out to these potential victims and boom…trouble ahead. Shut these sites down.
Yeah if you read the MySpace use policy it requires all these things.Am I the only one here that thinks maybe this girl willingly did something consensual with this guy, maybe got used by him or caught by her mother after the fact, and now instead of addressing the true issue of PARENTAL NEGLIGENCE they’re sueing
Yes, you are the only one.I like Canadians
I note the Britneyfication of Nelly Furtado. She used to be like a bird, now she’s mad
I note the Roseanneification of Britney Spears. Seriously, I was about to eat some lunch, then I saw this pic and I kept on doing bar practice problems. If someone would send me a link to a clip of the Matt Lauer interview, I would be most appreciative.